Office Vocabulary II: Types of Workers

Office Vocab for the Meeting Magnate struck a cord with you and inspired me to do a series. Am committed to find that waylaying humor in our work-life. So get ready to brush-up your vocabulary, dust-off a hard day’s work, huddle for a team sport and baptize the managers, peers and colleagues, I describe below.

1. Agenda Benda: Someone who throws off the agenda, leading it into a different and unexpected territory
2. Alpha geek: The head of IT.
3. Alpha pup: The yuppy young trendsetters.
4. Anointed: The Blue eyed boy, well or girl. The management’s pet who can do no wrong.
5. Armchair general: A critique with no working knowledge.
6. Bean-counter: A rather impolite way of addressing your accountant.
7. Bell ringer: A door to door salesman. Remember Eureka Forbes!
8. Big enchilada: An influential person in an organization.
9. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.
10. Buellerlemic: A colleague who calls in sick a tad bit too often.
11. Business-macho: Akshay Kumar at work. That one extra undone button, tufts of hair and gold chain.
12. Business-provocative: Work attire that is sexy to the point of being inappropriate.
13. Chainsaw Consultant: an outside expert brought in to hand over pink slips.
14. Chartist: have deep love of graphs.
15. Clocksucker: A completely unproductive employee; a waste of company money.
16. Corprocrats: high earning, high achieving individuals who are far more at home with international business elite than they are with ordinary citizens of their own country.
17. Cougar: That old power wielding woman with that handsome young fella!
18. Cowboy: A worker that is difficult to supervise.
19. Dead wood: An employee that no longer contributes anything meaningful to an organization.
20. Dinosaur: An employee whose extensive experience is only surpassed by his resistance to change.
21. Duck shuffler: Someone who disrupts your affairs after you’ve finally gotten all your ‘ducks in a row.’
22. EPON Endless Pit Of Need: A colleague who continually seeks support for their ongoing personal and professional problems.
23. Fall guy: A scapegoat.
24. Firestarter: Someone known for inventing/exaggerating problems, then calling countless meetings to find a solution and be the hero.
25. Flight risk: An employee who is thought to be considering quitting.
26. Fly-tipper: A manager who avoids confrontation by quietly dumping work on the desks of his subordinates when they’re not around.
27. Gofer: subordinate worker who is often given menial tasks.
28. Goldbricker: That employee who works harder at looking valuable than actually contributing.
29. Jargonaut: A true master of ridiculous jargon.
30. Lightning rod: An individual that is a common target.
31. Meanderthal: A person who has difficulty expressing themselves succinctly. They often give long, unfocused presentations.
32. Monday morning quarterback: A person who offers criticism only after something negative has occurred.
33. Mouse potato: couch potatoes of the internet generation
34. Mucus trooper: Your colleague with a cold, at work, coughing all over you,
35. Multi-slacker: A person who can perform many unproductive things at the same time. These include phone conversations, instant messaging, and web surfing, often on company time.
36. Negatron: A person who sees the downside in every situation.
37. New guy gene: The polite and friendly attitude that most new employees show.
38. Peacock: A person who displays every award, certification, plaque on their cubicle walls.
39. Pigeon: Someone that is easily deceived.
40. Pilot fish: A junior-level manager that closely tails a senior executive.
41. Powerpoint Bunny: Adept at the art of making presentations.
42. Queen of the pigs: The best of a bad breed; the number one loser.
43. Rhino: That superannuated colleague with that pretty young thing!
44. Scrub: An entry-level employee. Usually replaceable.
45. Seagull manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything, and then leaves.
46. Show coach: A manager who leads by example.
47. Show pony: Someone who superficially presents well but lacks real depth.
48. Spokesweasel: A public relations agent.
49. Stress puppy: A person who is continuously anxious and lives for any sympathy gained from complaining about it.
50. Tap dancer: A person who seems busy and productive, but makes little headway.
51. Teflon Shoulders: co-workers who offloads work to others. Non-stick.
52. Text starved: to have a largely silent phone.
53. Vanilla Vapor trail: The wafts of perfume or cologne of a colleague.
54. Velvet lip: A gifted smooth talker.
55. Work of Shame: A dusk to dawn after-work party, followed by showing up at work in the same clothes. You can only hope nobody is noticing you.